Everyone else has it together and I'm just a mess

Are you constantly working towards being a better person or version of yourself only to feel guilty, ashamed, or beat yourself up because you just can't seem to do better?

Many of us can clearly see how flawed the system is when we look at this in diet culture. We're made to believe that there are those people out there who work out, eat clean, and look amazing. If you're not hitting all three of those markers, then the message is sent as "you should feel bad about yourself" or "try harder" or "you're just not doing enough". But theres more awareness in society now that there are so many factors that go into a persons appearance and health and abilities and no one should be shamed for not showing up the way someone else does.

This happens in mental health as well. When we see the accounts on social media that show people who seem to be happy, who use healthy coping skills, who seem to just have their sh&t together, it seems like we don't measure up. Or when we look around at our friends who seem to be just fine working their full time jobs, being invovled parents, still going out with friends and being social, getting all the extra projects done in their house and yard, etc. It can feel like somethings wrong with you that you can't handle the stress of life like they can. It can create fears like you're not good enough or somethings wrong with you.

Nothings wrong with you!! Let me say that again.... nothing is wrong with you.

1. Everyone deals with stress in their own way. If you start to really look at the trade offs 'that friend' is making you might see that they're sacrificing or "failing" in areas you're doing well in or that you wouldn't be willing to sacrifice.

2. I can't even tell you how often I have clients that tell me everyone around them thinks they have their lives together but the truth is, they're really struggling too.

If you're struggling with anxiety, depression, or grieving, it can even cause your brain to give you messages that sound real and feel real but that aren't taking these things into consideration. So of course you feel like they have it all together and you're just falling apart. Our brains can give us this message.

And I know, some of you are thinking right now "well maybe thats true for all the other people reading this article, but I really am a mess". We're all a beautiful mess. Some people do have great coping skills while others may have coping skills that they would like to grow out of.

But don't forget that

• not everyone is dealing with what you're dealing with right now.

• Many people hide the messy side of themselves so it's there, you just can't see it.

• The people who are truly utilizing healthy coping skills had to start somewhere and learn how to turn to healthier coping skills.

• You can simultaneously work towards being the person you want to be while giving yourself grace.

If you want help working through your mess, schedule a session with me. We can talk about why you feel or think this about yourself and come up with practical steps to helping you show up the way that you want to show up for yourself.

Calysta Watkins

Mental Health Coach