Parenting is HARD!

In all of my years as a parent myself, a friend, and a professional, I have yet to meet a parent that hasn't had some really hard moments. From pregnancy to parenting adult children, there are many challenges and opportunities for growth.

Why is it so hard?

Parenting is a unique relationship where we are simultaneously being asked to consider the needs of our child while still taking care of ourselves. It's an impossible task. How is the new parent supposed to prioritize sleep when their baby isn't sleeping? Or the parent worried sick in the middle of the night because they have a teenager who hasn't come home yet?

Your kids are also going to be little walking triggers for you. Any of the wounds from your childhood will likely be pressed on at various points of parenting. We all do our best to be better than our parents were, even if we had a great childhood. So we're learning how to do it differently while asked to process our own wounds.

They often act like mirrors as well. Nothing shows us our sharp edges better than the little humans that start copying our behaviors and we don't always like what we see.

We're also flooded with information! Have you ever struggled to know what to do with your child? A simple google search will give you all the reasons you should let your baby cry it out and also why they should co-sleep. How are we supposed to sift through all this information while sleep deprived!

And through the struggle, you somehow figure it out and come to a place where you can breath. Where you feel like you have successfully moved through that phase. Only to be met with the next set of challenges. With each stage of childhood and development, parents are asked to continue learning, growing, and adapting to the needs of their children and themselves. We grieve the parts of the last stage that were beautiful and precious, and get to celebrate that we accomplished the challenges! Then we move to the next set of complicated, beautiful, difficult moments.

It takes a village, but sometimes the village sucks!

I know, it's so cliche. But it's cliche for a reason. As human beings we need the support of others in all areas of our lives. People that we can be open and honest with, that we can ask for advice or help. With parenting being such a personal issue though, it can be hard to find other people that you can trust to listen to your concerns and give respectable advice to you without judgement.

Our culture is infiltrated with messages that just make us feel worse. Every where you look, you're reminded of how you could be a better parent. The last thing we often want to do when we feel the most vulnerable is share that with others. Especially if we are met with well intentioned friends or relatives saying things that only make us feel like it's our fault we're struggling. We compare and contrast our parenting styles with those arounds us while assuming that the proof is how successful the child is. Reminder though: this isn't always the case. Some kids are naturally rules followers while others are independent and want to test the boundaries.

I love the idea that my kids behaviors are not a reflection of me or my parenting. This gives me grace for myself and for others because I can extend the same idea to them. If a teenager is struggling in school, there are so many reason and factors as to why this may be. It is not a reflection on how well the parents are parenting! When the toddler is tired, and overstimulated, and screaming at the playdate, it is not a reflection on you.

The risks are serious and real

Many of us at some point long for the days when our biggest stressor was potty training. Parenting is exponentially difficult when faced with the more serious issues like a medical diagnosis or a crisis. What do we do if we think our child has been assaulted or harmed in some way? What do we do when we see them making choices that could lead to serious harm like substance use? These issues need more serious support than just relying on a friend occasionally.

But what do I do?

There are so many options... which also makes it hard! The first place to start though is by taking a breath, and deciding what level of support you need.

Maybe you need to create some space for yourself to do the things that fullfill you so you're pouring from a full cup with your kids.

Maybe you need to take the risk, be vulnerable, and share with trusted friends or family members what you're struggling with.

Maybe you need to join clubs or get involved in your kids school to meet other parents with similar cultures to yours.

Maybe you need to ask for help. Is there something you can have someone else do for you that would lighten the load for you? Like carpool? Babysitting trade offs?

Or maybe it's time for more help. You or your child may need to seek mental health services to get access and referrals to help you. A mental health professional can also help you find an individualized plan that also takes into consideration when things are typical growing pains versus when more support is needed.

You can book a session with me to discuss whats going and where you're at. This can help you save time in searching the internet and trying to find the information that relates to your unique situation.

We all feel alone sometimes. Reach out for help if you need it.